as a mum who blogs about my child, this is a subject that I have given much thought. I guess for two reasons – one, you don’t know who is reading and what they will do with information and images and two, out of respect for my daughter’s privacy. clearly, at some point in the future, Pip will be aware of what I am (or am not) writing and at some point my stories will become her stories and I will have to cease writing like I do now.
I don’t have all of or indeed any of the answers. I veto myself on a post by post basis. I am happy to lay bare some of my thoughts and experiences with breastfeeding, depression and parenting in general, but, by and large these posts relate to me, with Pip the very much incidental cause rather than subject. I try not to write about anything that she does that might cause her embarrassment in the future, but, given that she’s only 10ish months old, she’s not really achieved much that could come back to haunt her. I deliberately don’t mention her by her real name, for example, to try and ensure that she’s not (easily) searchable.
like many bloggers, I read a blog called Young House Love. if you’re not familiar, it’s an American blog by a married couple who are my age, who used to work in NYC in advertising, moved to a small town, bought a house and set up a DIY blog. a while ago they had a baby and they frequently write about her. for the most part, what they share about their daughter is loving and caring and respects the boundaries that they have verbally laid in place for how to deal with her on their blog. a lot of their posts on parenting are helpful and if not strictly DIY related, they are interesting to read. yesterday, or was it the day before, they wrote a post about potty training. (the link takes you to the edited version, after a discussion in the comments). despite the fact that they had declared a while ago that potty training was off limits for discussion, they wrote a post setting out helpful lessons from their attempt. now, I think it’s a bit odd to declare something off limits and then write about it down the line, but that’s up to them. my main interest in the post was that some people thought what they shared was *way* too invasive to their daughter; others thought it was fine. me, for the most part, thought that there were some interesting tips but hated the use of the quote which involved their daughter being upset by “dripping” pee. YHL’s main argument for posting the post was that readers had asked for it, and they think that as all humans are potty trained, it’s not embarrassing. I couldn’t comment on whether their daughter will or will not be embarrassed by it but it certainly made me think.
I think in general, posts about milestones and such *are* interesting to other readers, because they are milestones that every parent goes through. we, or do I mean me, are invariably nosy about how other children do things and how parents come to their decisions, react and cope. I am interested to read about birth stories, or how other people approach weaning, and, I dare say, when Pip is ready to potty train, that too. but, but, I am interested in the general, not necessarily the specific. it’s a hard line, but it’s there. in terms of potty training, it’s interesting to know at what age it happened, why that age was chosen, how many days/weeks/hours it took etc. but, I’m not sure I need to know, in order to find the post useful, which floor the child pissed on, or what they said when they did. that, to my mind, is unnecessary. and something I just don’t want to know. when I eventually write about Pip’s weaning, say, I will write about in general terms what worked or didn’t, but I’m not going to list every item she rejected or threw on the floor. I might write about where I buy her clothes, but I don’t necessarily write about how long her legs are. not that it matters, but it’s a line I choose. I also run things past my husband too, when I’m not sure how near the line I am. but then, I’m not making my living from this blog (I wish…).
maybe one day, Pip will find it mortifying I shared a photo of her in a basket. or that I told the internet that she’d started using her fork and spoon (in her left hand, too). but, for the moment, those stories are my stories, and I will share them on a post by post basis.
or maybe I’ve got it wrong. am I oversharing? or, maybe, I don’t say anything specific enough to be of any use. maybe, no-one cares. thoughts?
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iphone snap by me
Pip wears white top from M&Co | vest from M&S | leggings from H&M (several sizes too large) | Granddad’s phone from the 90s
You’re so right, Rachel. I have been writing a lot more about my pregnancy than I had planned to and I often struggle with what I should share. Then it seems whenever I haven’t written about something, a friend will ask me to write about it. I suppose we’re not forcing anyone to read our blogs, and yours is very clearly a mum/baby blog.
I read the YHL post when it first went up and I was surprised they wrote it. Like you I generally really like their more personal posts and some of their other baby ‘advice’ has been great. There’s no answer, really, which is what makes it hardest.
What an interesting conundrum to have for young mothers who blog! My children are 22 and 26 and I have never had to think about this issue. I can remember, though, talking to friends about various baby and mom issues, but to have these discussions on the internet would be a different story. I agree about exposing the children and how much should or shouldn’t be done. It even comes up with my kids and posts on FB about their birthdays or other achievements. Some mothers find it amusing to show embarrassing photos of baths from 1992 or an awkward date picture. I find it disrespectful of my children and our relationship. I’m very careful about what I say about them in the wide world of the internet. YHL makes a living out of the blog, so I think their circumstances are different in a way.
Your Pip is dear and I’ve found you from Peonies and Polaroids. Enjoy every minute because it does move fast!