It’s such a middle class, first world, privileged thing to get worked up about, isn’t it. “Mums Feel Intense Pressure To Breastfeed And It’s Been Dubbed ‘The Bressure’” screamed the Huff Post this week. Leaving aside the irritant that everything has to have its own name, I just find it sad that we are still defining our choices in relation to those made by other people.
That said, I have written a bit about breastfeeding before and interestingly, reading back, I see that I wrote about feeling some pressure to breastfeed – from the midwives, I hasten to add, not social media or other mothers. BUT, I would caveat, I am in the exact demographic that I think this campaign is tapping into: middle class and educated, living in a more well off area in a first world country. In other words, in (relative) privilege; lucky to have access to a good diet, clean water and choice.
I did breastfeed. I also bottle fed. I looked through photos and I could find one or two of feeding but not a huge number and the ones that I did find were by and large taken by other people. Just like nappy changing. I rather viewed both as essential rather than photo worthy, although they do feature, just as my own food sometimes features in my photographs and on social media.
Apparently 2000 mums were interviewed for the campaign. I’d love to see the demographic range. I really think that has a lot to do with expectations; there are still a lot of people living in relative poverty and it is my understanding (especially things like this project) that breastfeeding rates are lower in those areas. I didn’t agree with that campaign either, by the way. I think each woman is entitled to make her own choice about her own body, and paying someone to make a different choice is at the very least patronising, and arguably, tantamount to blackmail.
I do agree with the idea that we shouldn’t be putting mums under pressure, though – I just don’t think making statements such as “most mothers desperately want to breastfeed – but not all can” is either helpful or accurate. In fact, I would argue that this campaign is adding to the pressure, especially when even women supposedly supporting the idea that there is too much pressure say things like “most people know that breast is best and would like to breastfeed their child, but for many reasons they just can’t manage it” (comment from the Huff Post articles comments). I’m not even sure that breast *is* really best – we don’t have randomised trials; groups are self selecting and I’ve not read that babies who are formula fed, for whatever reason, fare worse on average than breastfed babies, not in this country, at any rate.
Even the word “manage” has implications of failure. Personally, I felt I wasn’t up to “managing”, if we’re going to use that word, the logistics of bottle feeding. I was entirely ambivalent about feeding. Pip happened to take to breastfeeding, by luck rather than design, and as she did, it saved me the bother of having to get up in the night and make up formula. But had I been presented with a different set of circumstances, I would have happily not had to be the only one who could do the feeding and have no control over my own body for six months. I certainly didn’t look at photos on Instagram and feel some kind of pressure – or no more than I look at the kitchens of people who live in nice houses and think “that must be nice”.
I also wonder how much of this so called ‘bressure” is a privileged circular self-serving argument; we didn’t realise that we were supposed to feel a pressure from photographs of other people eating until we were told other people did, and we didn’t want to miss out, so we started feeling it too. And as we have money and time and choice, we were able to join in those thoughts. A bit of a ‘bitch eating crackers’ type situation (where once someone does something that you find irritating, the proportion of things they do that you find irritating increases exponentially), if you will?
There is no right answer. How can there be one “right choice” when we all have different needs and bodies? If we accept that, we can then move away from the idea that if we don’t make that same choice, (or can’t, or don’t “manage”) then we’ve failed. Surely we need to release the “bressure” and rather embrace the concept of making our own decisions on our own merits.
It’s such a waste of time isn’t it, pitting mums against each other. We need to stick together!
I think you’re right about this being something targeted at a particular demographic. The pressure to breastfeed was pretty constant during my first pregnancy. I think first time mums are easier targets. I managed 10 weeks with my first baby and swopped to formula because I was not producing enough milk. When my second baby was born it was straight on to formula and I ignored the breastfeeding lobby. Mothers need to have the confidence to do what’s best for them and their baby. (I’ve also written about this on my blog).
it drives me mad to be honest, I’ve breastfed and bottle fed babies, and both were right for me/them at the time. Enough pressure
I’m with you there on embracing making decisions and owning them. I wasn’t strongly minded either way about feeding when Oscar was born – we tried breastfeeding but he was feeding constantly and still hungry so we switched to bottle feeding.
There was ‘pressure’ to feed either way, but I knew what I was doing and wasn’t swayed by people’s comments. That’s what we should be focusing on – being assertive about what we (individually) believe in.
I wrote a short post about #bressure too, if it’s of interest.
*Applauds*. THIS. This is why that #bressure PR stunt last week really irked me. You’ve summed up how I feel about the whole thing in a far more balanced, succinct way than my own rambled thoughts could. Sharing now!
I’ve been giving the whole bressure article a wide birth, for me it is a waste of time to my time and energy to entertain anything that causes mamas to judge each other I even wrote a post last year? about your way being the best way, whatever it is. x
I think the real “bressure” involves too many women who want to breastfeed having the choice taken out of their hands through isolation or lack of information. I can’t see how this campaign would actually help anyone.
I think that both ends of the spectrum are “bressure” – I also think it should be possible to support breastfeeding without denigrating women who cannot or choose not to breastfeed (not that you were, just generally in reference to bressure;). As with most things, it’s a question of perspective.
Like Lori I’ve steered clear of this, not because I don’t care but I think there’s been enough debate. We should just let women decide what they want to do and support them in their decision x
Hey Rachel
Interesting post! I read it last week then figured why not come back and comment when I saw a breastfeeding article this morning 🙂
Tbh I haven’t even checked out the latest media “bressure ” stuff because, years on from finishing combo feeding G, and a year into a very easy breastfeeding experience with L – and, crucially, far more confident in my own parenting choices this time around and with I think a little more perspective and distance to it, I just don’t care that much what people think of how I feed my babies…but! I think a pressure to breastfeed (and shaming of women who are already feeling vulnerable and thus susceptible to it) and, more concretely, the denial of resources and support to some women who cannot or do *not* wish to breastfed is a real thing and one that is utterly unhelpful. Is it a problem of the privileged? Quite possibly, but that doesn’t mean it’s not problematic. I think you hit on something re the demographics of it – in my experience if you run in (or follow online) feminist and “crunchier” parenting groups then there is a massive bias against formula feeding – The Feminist Breeder is a terrible one for this, and Jessica Valenti has written some excellent things pointing out the unfeminist nature of this kind of thing (and the inherent classism that is tied up in much of the commentary).
I was much more easy going, like you, this time around with however it worked out, but after a difficult birth with G I desperately wanted to breastfeed, to “do something right” and – however misguided and silly as it seems to me now – I felt a real sense of failure and shame that I couldn’t – and, self-identifying as I do as both feminist and somewhat crunchy, it did feel like I was *not* doing it right by these groups.
I think there ought to be more support for breastfeeding mothers (education, assistance, resources and, in places like the U.S. Particularly, more maternity leave and requirements for employers to make pumping possible for those that want to. And, as you know, I think that the stigma of OMGBREASTS needs to be removed. I also think that there needs to be more support for formula feeding mothers whether they cannot or choose not to breastfeed.
To me both ends of the spectrum are far more about policing women’s’ bodies and actions than they are about feeding babies.
Oh, it’s such an inflammatory subject, isn’t it? I don’t want to get into my experience but I was desperate to bf and when it wasn’t working I took it pretty hard. I think this campaign may be a little misguided though!